Lately, I have been in this place of retrospection. Let me be the first to tell you that to take a good hard look at yourself (though a great blessing in the end) is very difficult. Many of us see ourselves quite differently than we really are.
God is loving and merciful, and gracious, but He is also just and a hater of sin. David boldly said "Lord cleanse me with hyssop.....he also lamented create in me a clean heart oh God and renew a right spirit within me....he went further to tell the Lord , if there be any wicked way found in me remove it..." These are all very bold assertions that often times are taken lightly - I know I have. I have cried as David oh Lord show me what is wrong with me, what you need to fix.....and God in his faithfulness has answered those request (in most instances more readily than the ones when I am begging Him to make something easier. It is a painful thing to see just how dirty,helpless, and sinful you truly are. Looking at yourself as you are without God is downright depressing. It is during these times of "oh Lord (I am feeling crazy,) show me myself" that the ability to grow is the greatest. I am once again reminded that I can not live, move or breathe with out Christ and that without His blood I would be sentenced to hell. The kicker in all of this is that I deserved hell, but Jesus. God knows that we cannot meet His standard and because He did not desire to be separated from me (us), because He loves me (us) He did something that none of us would do. He gave His Son to subdue His own wrath He gave Himself and allowed me (us) to do what we do best (be sinful - and kill Him), but He is God the maker and creator of ALL things, He rose from the dead and His blood covers all my (your) black sin. So painful as it is, it is good to ask to see yourself (because often times we forget just how wretched we truly are) The Lord is glorified and I am strengthened when I am made low.
God is- there was none before Him and there will be none after. He is Alpha and Omega, the Love He has for us is great. Jesus reaches out to all of us - His hand is waiting for yours. Believe me when you fall He is still there holding His hand out waiting to pull you back up.
Though it be painful God has allowed me to see myself and it has never been clearer that I need a Savior and that only He can save me. I thank God for saving me and beginning to show me what I look like in His mirror. The pain is worth it. No pain - no gain.