Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Beautiful Life!

 It's early Tuesday morning and, I am in the coffee shop again -  I know shocking right as this has been my perch all week while I complete work for my current class. Next to me is a group of ladies couponing. It is intriguing to watch and hear as they barter back and forth over which coupons will work for their family. There are eight ladies in the group today. In the midst of their chatter and the general hum of the barristas preparing java for the coffee enthusiast A.K.A addicts :0) there is the beautiful and often faint gurgle and cry of a little baby. One of the mom's brought her son to this week's couponing session. As she walked in carrying the sweet child on her hip - him in one hand and her couponing back in the other I could not help but think about my own baby boy at home. My heart begins to flutter and tears well in my eyes as I think about his introduction into this world. He was unexpected - by his parents that is and sadly I was less than enthused to find out I was pregnant again (he is our fifth sweet baby). Fear mixed with selfishness are more along what was in my heart at the beginning of his journey. I had just started a new job when I found he was coming. I enjoyed my work and was super excited to be doing what I loved most (outside of my family) -helping others in their fitness journey. I felt like I was paying forward the fitness freedom I had been given everyday - and then the news - I'm pregnant! I was speechless.
My heart trembles as I hear this little baby because I remember asking God to let it not be real - I wanted to only be dreaming that I was pregnant. I shudder at that thought now - ashamed. I look back now and realize how selfish I was - God has blessed me (and continues to) in spite of myself. When my sweet Emmanuel (God is with us) runs in my room and hops in the bed to give me morning hugs and kisses some days it is bitter sweet for me, bitter because I remember how I felt - behaved at his beginning and sweet because I am reminded that not because of me, but in spite of me God loves me (you), uses me and that His will, will always be done.
I have been blessed with four other beautiful babies each uniquely talented and blessed in their own way, and Joshua is no different he is simply my daily constant reminder of God's grace, mercy, and love.
The life of a child is truly beautiful - and in a world where human life is treated as yesterday's trash I am thankful for my little reminder of this truth.
No matter where you may find yourself today, your life, and the life of your children is special to God. Psalm 139 gives a glimpse into just how much God loves us, "we are fearfully and wonderfully made". God took a lot of time making us and please believe He does not make junk. No matter what you've done or what you are in the midst of He loves you and He cares, you can not out sin God's love. Give it to Him today because it really is not your beginning that matters - His mercies are brand new EVERY morning.
Much love

Saturday, May 19, 2012

It Ebbs and Flows......

All Journeys have ups and downs, it may be said that it would not be a journey without them :0). I have noted on this journey (in other blogs) that taking a good look at yourself can be hard and usually uncomfortable because often times what we find when we look in the mirror is not nearly as pretty and neat as we once thought. I am learning that the best medicine is to look, examine, then take it to God for clarification (in the event some of you are like me at times and in denial of what you see) and help in working on it. All issue/flaws (as it were) are not bad, some merely need to harvested and reshaped so that they are better used. I think Willie "P-dub" more said a mouth full when he asked that we "listen to what our haters have to say" because in hearing their words we can learn much about ourselves. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sxwVvmhMWvE
As an honest look at yourself  relates to health and fitness,the fact that 60% of Americans are overweight or obese should let you know that you will get no where in your journey if you are unwilling to face yourself and be accountable for your actions or lack thereof. If you stress eat admit it, if you don't exercise, yet you are constantly wondering why  you have not lost weight, it may behoove you to be honest with yourself. Whatever, your issue is admit it then attack it, do not merely be a bystander in your journey instead take the helm and become an active participant because it is by this action that change happens.
 I believe that it is in AA that they tell their participants that admittance is the first step, irregardless of where that statement comes from it is the truth. The first thing we have to do is admit we have a problem acknowledge our part in the issue and then get a plan together to attack the problem. You will never accomplish anything by whining and complaining about it (in your fitness journey or otherwise) - believe me I am preaching to the choir! :0)
If you want to run a marathon - get up seek out the steps to begin to train for it and get it done. If you want to lose those last 30lbs off - get up and get a plan together, find a class or a trainer, whatever and get it done! You are the only one standing in your way. One thing is for sure nothing will change if you continue to sit on the couch or whine about the issue.
One of the biggest waste of time is to long for what someone else has or has achieved when you yourself are just as capable of achieving that or greater.
Greatness is in you because of Who created you, you can not deny it, you can only run from it. Stop running, the price that was paid for you was too high for you to give up or worst of all not try at all.
No matter what you find when you look in the mirror, you are loved more than you can imagine. "But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8
Move out of the way and get MOVING. You CAN do IT!

Saturday, December 17, 2011

You are for me...a lesson in love 2

There are some really good memories of my dad. I couldn't really think of any the day of his funeral. I think part of it was the shock of seeing him in the casket. Years ago God started repairing the damage in my heart and spirit left by my dad. The scars of not having a father in the home with me are far reaching, they extend beyond your childhood and the decisions made then into your adult life. At this very moment in the midst of this current situation I am seeing and feeling the gap he left.
It has been said that children view God as they view their earthly father. It's true I think......many of my trust issues and the constant need to micromanage and fix come from the hole of my father's absence and the need to do God's job because I felt He didn't do what I thought He should have when I was a child concerning my earthly dad. Though God has soothed the hurt of abandonment my husband has had to bare the scares of this pain in my life.
Please don't get me wrong I love my dad and I love God. Psalm 27: 10 " when my father and mother forsake me then the Lord will take care of me." God is my father, He is the best daddy I have ever had, but the journey to wanting to live in His arms has been a long journey for me. I continue to have moments of questioning and trying to take His job back from Him, but unlike an earthly father, He will not leave me nor will He forsake me - He promised me that and its okay with Him if sometimes I fail and question that. He knows what I've been through and loves me despite it.
It has been in the midst of the crazy dealings with my mom today that the Lord has gently brought to me more of my issues (I asked for this - "a rebuke should be as sweet honey....."), but in His caring Father like fashion He showed me why I felt the way I felt and what was causing my reactions. I am checked by the fact that Jesus said He will never leave us nor will He forsake us, yet we are only afforded that great privilege because His Father forsook Him while He was hanging on the cross for my sins.
Looking at yourself and dealing with you can certainly be painful, but I wouldn't trade it - it is through the fire the we are made as pure gold.
Honesty says - I fight the fire most times, especially in the beginning some in the middle and definitely as it nears the end, but afterwards as with most humans I am grateful - silly aren't we :0).
The end of this will be great and I know it, I've been promised that," For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord, they are plans for good and not for evil, plans to give you a future and a hope..." Jeremiah 29:11
Its different right now - fine its rough right now and hurts a bit, but in the midst of every storm, every battle - no matter what it is - no matter if it seems big or small. God is there and He always will be. "He will never leave you nor will He forsake you....." Humans because we are flawed will hurt you, leave  you, etc. but not God. Jesus loves you too much - His love was unto death- That's love.

God be with you and bless you

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

You are for me.....a lesson in love

It is on days that are more difficult or trying that I most feel like writing. Though today has been a difficult day I have failed in so many ways somehow what is inside is not yet ready to come out, but there is a song that sums it all up: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hJ0l58MilTk&feature=related .
Even on my worst days You are for me. When I'm not for You, when I'm running from You, when I hurt You, You are still for me. How can I not love You, because Your love for me is so great. My joy is found in the peace of eternity with You.
You are for me

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

To err is human

Lately, I have been in this place of retrospection. Let me be the first to tell you that to take a good hard look at yourself (though a great blessing in the end) is very difficult. Many of us see ourselves quite differently than we really are.
God is loving and merciful, and gracious, but He is also just and a hater of sin. David boldly said "Lord cleanse me with hyssop.....he also lamented create in me a clean heart oh God and renew a right spirit within me....he went further to tell the Lord , if there be any wicked way found in me remove it..." These are all very bold assertions that often times are taken lightly - I know I have. I have cried as David oh Lord show me what is wrong with me, what you need to fix.....and God in his faithfulness has answered those request (in most instances more readily than the ones when I am begging Him to make something easier. It is a painful thing to see just how dirty,helpless, and sinful you truly are. Looking at yourself as you are without God is downright depressing. It is during these times of "oh Lord (I am feeling crazy,) show me myself" that the ability to grow is the greatest. I am once again reminded that I can not live, move or breathe with out Christ and that without His blood I would be sentenced to hell. The kicker in all of this is that I deserved hell, but Jesus. God knows that we cannot meet His standard and because He did not desire to be separated from  me (us), because He loves me  (us) He did something that none of us would do. He gave His Son to subdue His own wrath He gave Himself and allowed  me (us) to do what we do best (be sinful - and kill Him), but He is God the maker and creator of ALL things, He rose from the dead and His blood covers all my (your) black sin. So painful as it is, it is good to ask to see yourself (because often times we forget just how wretched we truly are) The Lord is glorified and I am strengthened when I am made low.
God is- there was none before Him and there will be none after. He is Alpha and Omega, the Love He has for us is great. Jesus reaches out to all of us - His hand is waiting for yours. Believe me when you fall  He is still there holding His hand out waiting to pull you back up.
Though it be painful God has allowed me to see myself and it has never been clearer that I need a Savior and that only He can save me. I thank God for saving me and beginning to show me what I look like in His mirror. The pain is worth it. No pain - no gain.